As you may be aware by now, Mary Maud; Issue 1 of the Ballad Of… clan was so named because when we were putting the ‘Nouveau’ issue together in our little home-come-office, we got the census of our Wood Green flat to find out who resided there in to 1920s; the decade of decadance. There was one option, and one option only for what to name issue 1 - Ballad Of Mary Maud. According to the census she lived there for a fair many years, and as soon as we found out her name, things started to … umm… happen. Bottles thrown, kettle turned on, things moved (MOVED in front of our eyes). There was a sleeping flat mate / exploding mirror incident. There were many magazine related incidents too. Production of the entire print company was held up as the machine broke with Mary inside, she would only conduct business (stockists, website, marketing) appointments when we were out of the country and she was very specific about when and where she wanted her party.

SO, along comes issue four; Ballad Of Nanny Floff. We’d moved flats by this point and weren’t sure if Mary was going to come with. She did.

Nanny Floff is named after our neighbour, who is lovely, and deaf as a door mouse, and sends and receives hand written mail - which we post for her. Her name is Florence but her Grandchildren address their letters to Nanny Floff. It felt apt to name the hand written issue; Don’t forget to write after her. Mary was not pleased. Perhaps it was jealousy since Floff was the only other girl in the gang, who knows but listen up, because things are about to get freaky…

It’s a Friday, we’ve finished Nanny Floff and have sent her to the printer for proof and sign off. OBVIOUSLY there is a celebratory night out. It’s not too heavy… C stumbles in at 5ish and L stays at Erds house. C is asleep for 30 mins before being woken by screaming and hammering on the door, the window, the bedroom window “Police, police open up” terrified and pissed… it takes a while but eventually the police are let into the building. They inform C that Nanny Floff has called them, there has been an incident. She is hurt. C calls L - we come to the only sane conclusion. Mary Maud has killed the Floff. She’s attacked her, on print day, out of jealousy. It’s too much of a coincidence. Shit. Is this our fault? Could we have prevented this terrible crime? Are we playing with things we don’t understand?

Fast forward to morning. C pops next door to offer help and sympathy. The Floff isn’t dead, she’s bright as a button, but she was hurt. She fell in the kitchen and broke her wrist (we forget that 5:30am is the start of a pensioners day) This doesn’t really put our mind at rest - it’s still Mary, she’s just not a killer, she’s a jealous girl, she’s a shover. And we are kinda freaked out constantly.

Now get this. We got the census for our current flat. (will we ever learn?!) Please see the name of the first lady of the house…

Yep, you read that right. Florence Maud. FLORENCE MAUD. And Maud doesn’t even have an ‘e’ on the end. We are white and shaking, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. You can now pick up back issues of mischievous Mary and Floff, the innocent victim online…if you dare!

x